Phil Caldwell

Sports Blogging With a Grin

Oregon Duck Football: Scholars and Moral Examples For Our Kids!

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Just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse for our Pac-12 pals to the south, word comes that one of the other passengers in the vehicle pulled over by police last spring doing 118 mph, was none other than Darron Thomas.

Not some high school walk-on proud to carry the dirty jockstrap bin to the laundry just to be around this national title-contending BCS band of misfits, but Oregon’s starting ball-chucker and fan-proclaimed “best quarterback the planet has ever seen,” one Darron Thomas.

And all this after fellow Duck braniac and future rocket scientist, starting defensive corner Cliff Harris, committed this act with a suspended driver’s license.

But there’s more from our feathered waddlers from “Deep in the Forest.”

When (should-have-been) arresting officer noted that the vehicle interior smelled suspiciously like the mosh pit of a Van Halen rock concert, he muttered “Wonder whose got the marijuana?”  At which the future Duck AD and current suspended role model Cliff Harris piped up saying “There’s no pot in here cuz we smoked it all!”

Meanwhile protégée coach Chip Kelly, in the process of divulging this knuckleheadedness to the press last spring, apparently failed to mention that team leader and example-setter QB Darron Thomas was also in the car with these nitwits. It was almost as if it were a deliberate omission.

107967117_crop_340x234Ronald Martinez/Getty Images

You remember fellow role-model Chip Kelly right?  The big football scandal he’s up to his elbows in?  Recruiting shenanigans and payoffs, $25 grand paid with written checks, hot high school recruits claiming they were enticed to come to Oregon though devious means. Duck Denials.

It’s gotten very ugly, and has the NCAA rules enforcement salivating like bloodhounds on a fox chase.

And if that wasn’t bad enough, Oregon is about to get pummeled by LSU in their season opener in front of 100,000 crazed and drunken fans wearing cowboy hats in George W Bushville.

Proving he’s all over this situation and determined to repair his tarnished reputation, when asked about this latest fiasco by an Oregonian beat writer last week, super coach Kelly dryly responded “I’m not concerned with Darron Thomas at all.”

Well of course he isn’t, and why should he?  He’s got Will Lyles’ Texas-based scouting service sling-shotting recruits his way under-the-table.  Why should he care when he could just reload with four-star recruits ripped off from USC and Texas?

But the more important issue is what all this is doing to schoolchildren who look to adults for examples in how to live life.

“Kids, when you’re old enough to earn a living, life will be much easier if you find yourself a cash-loaded corporation bilking the poor for huge profits, done in some faraway third world country where nobody can see what they are doing!

“Have them donate a few hundred million for new stadiums and snazzy uniforms with fluorescent yellow day-glow socks!

“Oh sure you may have to bake a few pot-filled brownies for staff joy rides through quiet neighborhoods (in sparkling new “rental” vehicles), but you and your buddies will reap the rewards!”

Meanwhile a deathly silence engulfs those surrounding Duckville, with tolerant alumni and ambivalent current students prioritizing stolen bandwagons for a few potential wins.

Yep. It’s hard not to admire the University of Oregon and the Duck football program after this offseason!


Read more from the same author: 

Auburn vs Oregon: Cockroaches and Flying Insects Killed from ESPN’s pregame


Bosie State vs Utah in Las Vegas: Broncos Defeat Utes for Absolutely No Reason


Written by PhilCaldwell

August 18, 2011 at 10:03 am

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